First, I want to say CONGRATS on the newest addition to your family! Whether they are your first or fifth, it is always special bringing baby home. Veteran mamas, this post is more geared to our new and first-time mamas. If you’d like, make sure to sound off in the comment section with any advice for these new mamas! So, you’re here because you want to know the best tips for maintaining a healthy relationship after having a baby. Buckle up, because it is about to get real.
Quality Time… Alone
This was so important for me because we were adjusting to our new normal after I had Dito. We were sleep-deprived, anxious, and constantly busy. It feels like I go to work, and then come home and work my night job: caring for my son. As the mother, I naturally had more duties. It’s kind of like instincts. I always woke up first when Dito was crying for a bottle in the middle of the night or knew the difference in his cries and his poop and his facial expressions. I also spent every single day for 6 weeks with him.
This can put major stress on your relationship with your partner. Above all other emotions, I was envious of Mando. Dito didn’t need to eat from his breast. He didn’t cry for him when he couldn’t see his dad. He couldn’t be rocked to sleep the right way by anyone but me. It was exhausting, and I don’t entirely blame Mando because some things took time for him to learn, and that’s okay. It did not change how I felt though.
I was tired of feeling envious and jealous of Mando. I missed our intimacy, our quirkiness, and our easy-going love. It felt like we were always in go mode and didn’t take the time to stop and enjoy each other and the blessing that we had created. I decided that we would do date night every two weeks, without the baby. This way, we would be able to just slow down, enjoy each other’s time, and fall in love again and again.
Set Boundaries & Delegate Delegate Delegate
I know this may sound weird at first, but you each need to set boundaries. Delegating the work and understanding what works, what you need from the other, and how best to help the other makes all the difference. Mando was never a fan of dishes but for some reason, he always offered to do Dito’s dishes. He hated pouring the milk into bottles so the easy way to solve that is Mando would clean Dito’s bottles, I would sterilize them, and fill them to the appropriate amount. You can delegate anything you need to make living less stressful. Having these boundaries in place not only brings you less stress but also helps to improve your communication skills with your partner. This is so important and I can be very transparent and say that this is something that Mando and I still work on to this day.
Girl… we talk about beauty rest all of the time but the amount of sleep you get each night definitely plays a huge role in your mood. As new parents, you will be sleep deprived until and maybe well after baby starts sleeping through the night. I know it is easier said than done but try to sleep whenever you can. You can even sleep in shifts. If you’re sleeping, you can’t be fighting, I’m just saying. Some days, when Dito goes to his grandparents’ house, the first thing we do is take a nap because we know we won’t be able to when Dito comes home.
Last on this list is to make sure you schedule yourself some me-time. It can be easy to become irritated, emotional, and anxious when we are trying to pour from an empty cup. You deserve time to yourself just as much as the next guy. You can even use this as an opportunity to take yourself on a solo date. Whatever it is, give yourself the time to treat yo’self and make sure you’re filling your cup, even if it is with Rosé.