Omg, yall. This is my first official blog post about something this deep. I don’t really know why I feel like a fangirl writing on Wattpad right now. I wanted to make this post short and sweet, but we will see how well that goes. I figured the first post should be about the transition to motherhood. So many people talk about how you will always be tired or how the days are long but the years are short, but nobody talks about the drastic change that takes place within your mind when you go from just you to you and a baby(ies). Here’s the low down on the realistic transition to motherhood.
When I found out I was pregnant (a story for another blog post), I was happy, shocked, and excited. My mind was racing, and I remember thinking how I had every reason to go to target and blow my entire check on baby clothes. The baby fever does not go away ladies; it gets WORSE.
The Constant Anxiety
As my pregnancy went on, I felt this constant anxiety. I wondered all the time if my son was okay, especially in the first 12 weeks. Even after the chance of miscarriage had decreased as my pregnancy went on, I still had this nagging fear that anything could happen. Because of COVID-19, we were in quarantine for almost half of my pregnancy. I liked that I was able to stay home and away from any harm, but that relief quickly turned to cabin fever.
I hated being in the house all day every single day, so I made Mando, my fiancé, take walks with me when he would come home from work. I could see the difference in my mood when I got out and soaked up the sun. It was a crucial part of my routine to spend a little bit of time outside as the weather permitted.
Towards the end of June, I returned to work and was very afraid of getting COVID-19. I did my best to care for my unborn child while giving my all to my job at the time. After a while, I became very comfortable and felt fine being out and at work.
As my due date approached, it became more and more difficult to sleep. I was tired and my face showed it. All I heard at the end of my pregnancy was, “You look so tired! You should get some rest.” Thanks, Karen, I’ll remember to try and do that. *Insert intense eye roll.* The advice from people, some parents and some not, started rolling in faster than a Metra train. I worked in childcare for 5 years so most of what people were telling me, I already knew. Other things just didn’t align with how I planned to parent my son.
Fast forward to my son being born and everything had changed. My life wasn’t too stressful, and I thank God for the amazing newborn experience every single day. My son latched right away, never cried unless he was hungry, and was an easy sleeper. What was difficult was dealing with the opinions of others. Many people like to offer advice because they assume that you need it. Some people will just outright tell you how you should be parenting and explain why what you’re doing is wrong. This is what bothers me the most and made me so insecure about the choices that I made as a parent.
Do What Feels Right For You
Every choice I made, I wondered if it would upset someone else. Then, I would feel guilty for thinking of anyone other than my son. My mind was in a constant cycle like this and It stressed me out more than actually parenting ever could. I came to the very difficult realization that you cannot please everyone. My unsolicited advice to you is this: Do not give one single fuck what anyone else says about your parenting unless they are your partner. You are raising your child to be the person that you want them to be. Be confident in your parenting and give unconditional love. That is the only advice I will ever give another parent unless they ask for specific advice on something. If you find yourself giving another parent or soon-to-be parent advice that they did not ask for, stop and ask them, “Do you need me to listen, or do you need advice?” This is so huge because sometimes I don’t need advice if my now toddler son is throwing puzzles all over my living room floor; I just need you to listen and tell me that it’s okay and you’re here for me. That goes a long way.
I would love to hear from you guys on how you deal with advice from others, especially advice that you did not ask for. Leave a comment down below and let’s share! Click here to check out my post on dealing with pregnancy hormones!